[[Rock it :D*]]
The Greek warrior had once again fail his mission.
if there's any thing of such as guardian angels in this world,
Each would be filled with lonliness in the heart,
waiting for a mission,
a command that it need to fufill.
Being just there is a boredom,
But it also means his master is of good condition not needing his aid.
However it could also mean that his master do not need him,
as she could very well find other people,
for the best he could do was to be a friend and be there for her.
Is this enough for him?
An immortal should hold no greed,
hatred or anything of such.
But an guardian angel is bounded by an oath,
a contract of never ending loyalty to its master.
Thus resulted in feelings.
You could never guessed how i felt just now.
After this whole week of self devoid.
i retreated into my bedroom,
exhausted and bored from the day and the fact that tmr is yet another ordinary day.
Nobody really need me?
I checked my phone.
J..J...JERMAIN!
my body reflexed.
all tensed up.
i was late.
3 hours behind time.
What was i summoned for?
waiting.. waiting ... urgency~~ i need a reply.
i want to know.
If her command was to go over,
I would have rushed out of the house immeadiatly.
INSTANTLY.
as if my life depended on it.
Such feeling is hard to comprehend...
PS. just so you know, everything from you, is important to me. So don't say that anymore. You're the heart of my existence.
"When i left you took it as a joke: now i've really left." -xaryth
She don't deserve this.
Knowing 2 people leaving her at the sametime.
No, realised 2 people are leaving her at the same time.
i left one week ago. she realised it one week later.
when i read... i felt guility.
But i don't wanna go back.
i don't wanna be hurt the same way over again.
I feel that right now, i need to be there.
But i don't wanna be hurt.
Losing me was nth.
Losing him was everything.
i feel selfish when i think like this.
EVIL. MEAN!
at a time like this i'm still thinking like this.
okay la, a lil part of me.
I wanna go back and say i'm sorry
But if i did this, my words dun count anymore.
Deep downDOWNdownDOWNdownDOWNdown inside my heart in that miserableee lil dark hole,
i wanted to say a pharse,
'You deserve it..'
i cant stand jer being part of the 4.
jealous i guess.
of how i let it just slipped away from me and never comming back.
I DON'T TRUST.
i don't trust ANYONE at all now.
VIV talked to me on msn.
treated as nth happen.
i dun really blame her,
we had been on/off quarreling and the next day,
like nth happened.
what's sets me off is how it also shows that...
i'm nothing, not a matter of fact to her.
ZZZZZ-ED I HATEEEE JERMAIN BEING PART OF THAT GROUP.
I'M SELFISH, POSSESIVE WHATEVER U ALL IT.
I WANT EVERY BACK TO 2007.
I WANT IT THAT BADLY.
remisicing the past isnt good.
but i just want it.... TT____TT.
i couldnt cry to jer telling i want to be back then.
i can't make the time turn back.
hiding stuff is hurt,
hiding pain is torture,
acting like it all don't matter is killing me.
But having nobody to share this pain with is LIVING HELL.
i can't pull myself away from it.
Broading on it isnt a solution...
moving backwards is definatly not an option.
I FEEL HELPLESS.
I FEEL WEAK.
I'M ALL ALONE.
there's nobody there for me...
to take shoulder this part of my pain.
i'm seeking desperatly for a shoulder to lean on.
i'm at a point where nth helps anymore.
not alcohol, not suicide, not sms from jermain,
not talks with jiejie, not telling anyone elses.
not even realising...
I'M EXHAUSUTED,
exhausted to having put up all these non-sense...
to deny me from a place i want to be in.
funny is, i don't think of suicide...
i don't wanna die....
i just wanna go back to the past.
I hold my breath,
cause the thought in my head is hurting me.
internally,
i'm putting up a fight to it.
I'm exhausted, I'm worned out, fustrated.
Submiting to my fate,
submit to it and kills your heart desire.
Forget everything that you every believe,
throw yourself away, into the darkness.
Forced myself to admit,
That i could never be your he,
that i will always be broken like this,
nobody notice you,
so stop hurting yourself by believing.
THIS IS THE MOST I CAN STAND.
all is already lost,
i'm fated to lose in this fight.
fated to surrender.
Cause there's nth i could do to defy nature.
I'm weak, nowhere to go.
Slumbering down into my own arms,
i hug myself sleep through the night,
Only to face the next day,
with realisation that nth had changed.
THIS IS THE END OF THE ONE I CALLED ME.
" Bad things goes in a chain and never stops till you decided that you had enough of it and go against the destiny~ " - xaryth
WHAT I DID TODAY:
SOB-ed, gave myself about 10mins to sort my feelings before going to bathe.
Went to FarEast with shaoshao and jiajia.
truthfully, i couldnt stop thinking about Vivian~
every now and then. PHSH!!
i should really stop doing that.
everyone was late as usual,
and when we finally meet,
jia says she dunwanna buy bag cause no money.
i guess i more of no money then the other 2 bah -.-
SHOULD REALLY SAVE. tsk.
but still ate at Pastamania just now -.-
kinda window shopped at fareast.
A LOT OF STUFFS TO LOOK AT.
haix, i wanna be slim~~~
I'll sureeeeee dress nicely de.
on the way back,
i gave jia SUPER lots of advice on hair.
Shao also agrees with me!
BOTH OF US AGREES THAT XINGYA's HAIRSTYLE IS COMPARABLE TO NORLINDA'S!!!!
couldn't stop laughing!
Pretty much chatted lots about Korea trip with jia,
while Shao spent her time listening to songs.
bid goodbye with shao and walk back home reflecting yet again.
& I've came to a conclusion:
" if I want something, I had to work hard for it. There's nth such as luck, for persistent attitude will eventually have it's reward."
for this, jie, you have to be very proud of me!!!!
BUT then again, I'm stuck at whether i want to chiong or not.
You know why?
[ shao if u ever see this, dun think too much~ after all it's my choice ]
Cause when i told shao that i wanna FLUNK o's,
she say okay, wanna flunk i pei you.
I was stunned when i heard it.
maybe to her isn't of so big,
but to me, it meant that she's willing to sacrifice her future for me.
risk it for a friend, and that's something not everyone will do.
NOT.EVEN.JERMAIN.CHU. will do such a thing for me.
then again, jie will say , cause jer meant well for me.
JUST ask anyone to flunk with you,
and they will say you must be mad.
STILL, 'life is about choices' -shao
& i have to make one right now.
if i'm going to chiong~
i'll drag shao together with me.
it's against ME! to decide to chiong without a person who says something as strong as accompanying me to flunk.
WELL, i guess that's my decision.
i'll still need to do my D&T sooner or later.
Chionging means doing TYS for sci, maths, amaths, and etc ,
whenever i'm free on weekdays.
Another thing!
i know how jia's feeling because...
it is what i always felt about the people closest to me,
as if people will snatch them away from me.
i suck at communicating,
so i'm scared that i'll be less entertaining...
and drift apart.
Jia's probably just experiencing it ba.
but she cried.
For me, i quarrel, i make a fuss, i get things my way done.
Shao don't really understand ba. [;
she got a lot of friends.
to me, i hold close friends AS though my life depended on them [ hmm quite true ]
where for normal friends, i don't take them seriously.
like, not related in anyway X____X
well that's me for u la.
OH!OH!OH!-
i was thinking about this,
Vivian is real or just one of my imagination?,
JER leh?
i know they are real,
but it is hard to convince myself,
if they are the same people.
jie too~. sometimes i really think i was imagining.
This people live in my heart as souls...
who didnt have physical form.
like ... when my grandpa die...
i found myself thinking a few weeks later,
whether this person really existed in this world before?
it's hard to believe sometimes,
that people who live in your heart for such a long time really existed.
that is why i doubt,
that is why i need constant reminders,
that they didnt change cause they did not in my heart[they never will]
but they may have change in reallife,
and im the stupid fool who kept believeing that they are still the people i used to know.
I'M SCARED of changes. i don't do well in any.
" Treasure what you have for some others may not be as lucky as you. Besides, your life don't suck that much. You just never exp much worst and lets hope that you don't " - from jer. THIS CONTEXTUAL MEANING was repeated 3 times!!!! 3 TIMES!!! T.H.R.E.E!!!! super frustrated with it.
SHAO came to the same concludsion as me.
THE PAST FEW DAYS 很烦!!!
Jer's more like my personal consellor except i don't have to pay for it.
I DUN LIKE THE FEELING/THOUGHT of that.
zzz-ed haix.
nononono hate it!!!! make me even more snappy~.
When i ask her about Grey's Anatomy today~
she ask me, " so, How are u doing today? "
SOOOOOO DOCTOR TALK,
furthermore i know she training for vet,
which makes me * imagine *... UGH!
IDKIDK~~
was intending to stay up lateeee with shao`
didn't ba?
mum is fussssing about sleeping earlier today. ;[
maybe cause of my THUNDER BLACK FACE this morning.
ULTRA CRANKY, AND I SNAP A LOT.
cause i was so angry at the sameee thing that was repeatedly told me by 3 of them.
drifted off to this topic every now and then.
JIE'S my elementary teacher.
KEEP teaching me words recently -.-
FINe, im really missing these in my life.
i know they care,
but the words seem to reprimand me.
i dun like being ... told this way. ;[
SOMEHOW they jump out and started scolding me ;[
Things are way too messy in shao's life.
i wish she will be better soon.
jer's nut is a freaking lucky soul.
jie's shingo is a lucky soul.
viv's thadar is a lucky soul... maybe UNLUCKY too~ tsktsk.
ISUCK ;[
Unbeautiful - Lesley Roy
This song weakens me right now.
Feeling all weak.
Sadness bah~
Fatigue brings one down entirely~
Slept at 3.30 am ytd.
talk to shao~ talk to diana~ argued with jiejie~
being crazy?
i dunno.
I'm just running away from reality~
trying to forget,
trying to let go.
nobody told me i had to do this.
i chose it myself.
but still~
why do i still care a million times today?
I've decided to private my blog once again.
I needed some space.
Who can i trust~
Who to treasure,
Who to love?
IDK anymore~
i dun even know myself anymore.
well not about trust la~
just ... who exactly wanna be with~
like who i can everything,
and i mean everything under the sun to?
When i tried to tell you I've lost myself in all this events~
you didn't believe me~
said i was negative~
said that i was just making Mount Everest out of ant hills, exaggerating.
i just wanted to talk to u~
wanna get closer, like we used to be~
i know very well that I'm not significant,
not entertaining, and that him, YQ and Howie are so much better.
UTTER rubbish was my comment when i saw ur post.
isn't just to make yourself not guilty?
By allowing me to your blog~
what's your point?
I'm not needed, not necessary, redundant.
i shouldn't be allowed in there.
right now, you showed me that i don't belong there,
yet u added me cause you didn't want to be known that u left me out.
I meant nth to you.
You are holding on just because of all the things i did for you.
It's me alright?!
nobody told me to,
yet i wanted to...
cause i...
zzz-ed
Never mind,
I'm the bad one,
unworthy one over here,
I shall break it.
Break what u wanted in your heart,
for me to disappear so you don't have to talk to me,
so i wouldn't make u feel even worse when you're so happy in your life.
I'm tired TIRED of all this crap that you hypocrite,
i couldn't stand it anymore.
NO, JUST ADMIT IT.
you wouldn't go out of YOUR COMFORT for me.
NEVER!!!!
oh dun deny u pitiful Lil creature, happy in your own world.
where EVERYTHING is about YOU, YOU & MORE YOU!
i wasn't able to be angry~
guess why?
cause i thought you would change.
You are better than what u did.
i believed that u did that unintentionally, under circumstances.
but guess what?~
you just kept on repeating...
why?
because u dread going out with me.
even seeing me.
what's the point ...?
NOW, you destroyed my dream.
trampled on my eagerness, my happiness.
Poured gallons of ICY COLD WATER, extinguish my passion.
& because you're so significant that i've allowed you the chance to do that.
WOUNDED,
to the extent that even i don't feel like talking it out with jer.
nth, nth helps anymore.
i'm prepared to flunk my o's.
YOU, vivian,
YOU wipe out all the determination,
and motivation to get myself working for this year.
BUT WHY GODDAMNIT, WHY I JUST ... KEPT FORGIVING AND BELIEVING?
why do i still hope?
it's the oath i took when i said i wouldn't ever drive another person outta my life because of what i expected of them.
the oath i made to myself when jer left me and you entered my life.
LIFE's WEIRD.
LIFE SUCK.
LIFE HURTS.
It hurts so much that i gasp for air.
BLANK. blank. blank. blank. blank. BLANK. blank. blank. blank. blank.
p.s it doesn't matter what i'm going to write anyways....
ZZZ. stupid vivian must have forgotten about me again.
reply one then dun reply le.
TODAY IS TOTALLY NOT A GOOD ONE,
well except for the going out part ba.
ZZZ-ED HARDDRIVE CRASHED.
accidentally press berserk then i shut whole programme,
AND MY HARDDRIVE CRASH.
FUCK LA. NABEI. HOW CAN MY COM DO THIS TO ME. ;[
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MY DAD.
FUCKKING LAGGY COM.
though honestly i love my com a lot,
since it had serve me so many years and not really fail me...
IT'S TIME to change le bah T.T
SPOILED keyboard,
LAG like fuck,
though in game i'm one million times better than bryan.
I LOVE MY COM, BUT HOW CAN IT DO THIS TO ME T.T
haix.
JUST HOPE MY HARDRIVE DUN CRASH. ;[
DATA IS LOST SIA.
one small thingy gone and thats it. GONEEE. fuuck.
ORAL IS NT ANY BETTER EITHER.
invigilator is SOME STUPID LIT teacher we pissed off last year.
and jer just gave me the GG sign -.-
GREAT. FAGGOT. though sleeping before going out rules,
AFTER I CAME BACK,
EVERYTHING SUCK.
dad suck ,
bro suck cause he lvl so high le and can use shift,
EVEN MY COM IS HATING ME.
HJADLASJD;LASKD;LASKDS;L
stupid jie just go sleep and dun care about me.
greatttttt everything just great.
PFFFFFT.
Cutting off all contacts is such a good way of running away.
Sleep. Wake. Read book. Play com. Eat. Bathe. Talk crazily.
AND GUESS WHOSE FAULT IT IS.
BRYAN, obviously =P
HAHA, i'm being crazy again.
so random -.-
just finish playing RO which practically started from like ..
lets say, 11pm.
Non-stop except for going down to buy food.
See how hard i'm trying to distract myself from reality.
HAH, but i'll never be able to run away from it cause it just kept comming back.
This year suck.
Just way too much.
IT'S ONLY MARCH, and i'm practically already started wasting my life off.
And i dread to wake up every morning... just to realise i've to face another day.
Maybe i'll stack a few packs of 7-ups and flavourings in my room.
i'm only missing one min to 1111.
probably this number no longer holds any significance.
lalala, like who cares.
MUM went to Hongkong today morning.
I was half awakee,
doubt mum could hear i call her,
cause i remember i did.
Auntie ann was being nice,
and said if anything, we could find her.
I'm not good with such stuffs,
so i wanted my stupid bro to reply,
ITE, he sent a msg saying i'm dumb. =-=
WELL, since mum's outta town,
i'm so gonna play devil at home.
MUHAHAHAHHAA...
okay not really,
just giving dad what he deserve HMPH.
From tmr onwards,
NOOOOOOOOOOOO playing RO.
UGH, so hard cause i'm already addicted.
ps. TRUE or FOR SHOW. vote one for me.
ps.. Try cheering me up, cause i know nobody could... definatly.
' PEACE MAKING, SO NOT MY STYLE. '
I think i'll go snore snore after this.
I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY THIS HOLS. ;]
it's been bored BONGOZANA* i can tell you.
[ * dun ask me what's that, i just like to say it ]
THIS TIME I GOT MYSELF INTO DEEP TROUBLE.
got addicted to dreamerRO.
GODDAMNIT,
it's like wake sleep,
play till midnight,
sleep till next morning and there goes the cycle again.
This is ruining me.
OKAY, that's what i intended to be when i started playing.
AND,
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PEACEMAKING THING THIS YEAR.
UGH, so not my style.
but i just i felt ... alone ba.
lalala, though i clearly knew i'm not.
Just... no one special le bah. ;x
LALALALA, it's hard to trust...
You gotta agree with me, aye.
I wanna sleep, nights, World.
Things had not been going very well this week.
or has it been just that .. i'm just not happy.
Nth could make me anyways....
i've let myself go down.
Into the drain and get flushed away.
EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS TO ME NOW.
i dun wanna care anymore.
zzz-ed.
Was super childish just now.
when i went into audi,
jie sounded so happy to see me in. ;]
then with my keyboard being such idoit to have spoiled shifts,
and premium msger gone,
i had difficulty whisper and playing at the same time.
JIE changed into another acc,
which unfortunatly once belong to someone i HATEEEEEE to even see the name.
'SHINGO'
making a huge fuss, and getting angry for not a good reason.
though the day didn't really brighten up my mood,
well in fact make it worst. HMPH, stupid [insertname]
kinda apologise to jiejie,
and we played la.
MY audi is pathetic, WAYYYYYY PATHETIC.
hmmm... shao is going back, jia too.
interesting. idk wanna buy ppc or not.
YUZHEN's bday tmr. HOWHOWHOWHOWHOW. didnt get her anything.
ahh another resolution down the drain.
i feel so pathetic now.
HEARD THAT PATHETIC.
i know u must be smiling and laughing away.
must be glad to see me like this..
Somehow,
i'll find a way to stand up again.
Today will be the last day i'm spending meaningless time infront of the computer
Those Poor Poor Cookies,
I think I can hear them weep.
Such insignificant.
So where's all the glory they had the past week?
Disappointed they may be,
For such they prepared for the journey.
Escaping little hands,
Waiting for the day to come.
Oh, now they are unwanted, what a dismay.
And the audience whisper to one another -
They should have known,
They should have known.
-xaryth.
Personally i think the poem is funny.
imagine little cookies trying to escape,
hear them weep,
even to the extent of having glory.
===========================================
NOW, give me a reason not to be angry, to forgive and maybe forget.
I couldn't really find one anymore.
I didn't eat dinner tonight.
I was freaking tired out after having sore eyes and lying in bed the whole afternoon.
I went to bake.
CHOUX pastry was fusterating,
and many thoughts of JUST THROWING THE ENTIRE MIXING BOWL AND GO TO BED.
it turned out okay after not following instruction and doing what i like to it.
1ST, MY MOOD IS ALREADY BAD.
2ND, IM FREAKING TIRED.
3RD, IM HUNGRY.
4TH, I HAVE TO WASH UP EVERYTHING.
5TH, NOBODY HELP ME. PLAY FINISH GO SLEEP AND PRETEND NTH HAPPEN OUTSIDE. stupid bro.
MUM WAS OUTRAGOUS. TMD, U NEVER COOK. HOG MY COM IN THE AFTERNOON. WATCH TV TILL MIDNIGHT. NOW SCOLD ME. SHOW ME ATTITUDE. THROW THE TABLECLOTH INTO THE BASIN WHEN I'M KINDLY WASHING UP AND NOT GOING TO BAD OR IGNORING U ENTIRLY, EXPECTING ME TO KNOW WHAT U MEANT. THEN WHEN I DID NOT DO, YOU CAME OUT AND THROW THE DISHES, BANG IT LOUDLY. IF I COULD HORH, I WOULD SHOUT SCREAM JUST LET EVERYTHING OUT OKAY. I HAD ENOUGH FOR A DAY. ZZZ-ED. JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
Soo Jian Hao called to make me feel even lousier. Talk for 2 hours and all he was doing was to look down on people, and destroy my fantasy. As much as i hate it, i have to admit he got some point there. BUT THE WAY HE KEPT SAYING IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, PISSED ME OFF. if you think it's not possible, THEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE. zzz-ed.
now, where should i deposit all this anger....
HOG MY COM WHOLE DAY,
COULDNT POSSIBLE TALK TO JIE.
i think i wouldnt have the patience to wait for her to reply.
i wouldnt talk to jermain,
cause im just too dependant on her.
I'VE SO MUCH ANGER IN ME THAT I WANNNNNNNA KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.
maybe ill punch my poor poor walls again tonight....
alcohol don't work.
STUPID DARYL DRANK MY 7-UP, well i did permit it anyways -.-
but still.... UGHHHHHHHHHHH zzzz-ed
MOOD; DDDDDDDevastated with a lot of capital D.
Song;
I lied - E.M.D.wma -
Just when i get out of my car,
i saw her.
I'm horrified.
face to face.
totally not ready for that.
i look that way is cause i know she will come that way.
but never did i expect that she's really there.
EYE MET EYE.
i took my bag and walk as quickly as i could.
i don't know how to react,
i kept walking till I'm in the warmth of the crowd gathering in the court yard.
i search fanatically for familiar faces,
till i saw nutnut.
i breathe in relief.
THEN,
i started to regret.
i should have smile.
She must have thought that I'm giving her the cold shoulders.
i regain my posture and started fooling around the courtyard.
somehow I've became cookie monster.
HAM HAM keep snatch my cookie. T-T
i told ham ham to ask qiqi she wanna ma,
i think the replied was no, so i didn't save for her.
BUT i know she like cookies a lot,
esp SUBWAYS' ones.
BADDDDDD TAMACHI help ham ham keep my cookies.
we ate a bit in the courtyard,
then eat a bit at the end of amaths,
jose ate in LIT,
and Wayne and min shared one during English.
WANying ate less than half the cookie than didn't eat le.
I GAVE YUZHEN ONEEEE FULL OF CHOCOCHIP DE. ;]
nut ate a bit while we queue for food,
AND HAMHAM AND CO, ate everything up.
There goes the lifespan of a cookie.
ANYWAYS,
handphone kanna confiscate means i don't get to talk to her.
SUCKS.
i wanna talk to her. ;[
it's a need not a want.
whatever, i go find Ariel ;3
P.S - i wonder i think Vivian would be jumping up and down, when she see where her cookies have gone due to the confiscation of my phone.... [ hope she online soon ]
==================================================================================
[[ So please don't take what's left of me
'cause without you I can't breathe
You're the reason I believe ]]
Suraiya asked am i okay?
How much i wanted to say no I'm not.
but i didn't, merely nod my head.
How full of denial i am to myself.
I Lied when i said it didn't hurt,
when i think about it,
maybe i think too much,
maybe I'm wrong.
But it still hurt.
Just to face the fact,
that I'm nowhere near,
and will never be.
P.S [ submerging myself in EMO music. ]
Okay. MONDAY.
didn't meet up with nut in the morning.
doesn't matter. took my own sweet time to go sch.
i think jer dun like to talk to me. or am i thinking too much.
my eyes always met hers when we past each other.
and i don't like the look of it recently.
ANYWAYS,
my handphone got confiscated during LIT.
i wanted to tell nutnut ask teacher whether can pon asp or not.
so... i guess i wouldn't be going to Boonlay on Tues like I've planed.
LALALA which means, Viv wouldn't get her cookies until i got my phone back ;P
It's so delicious.
we finished one box of it yesterday and started munching on the 2nd le.
As I'm typing, me and bro are munching already.
I think i ...
kinda forgotten the size of SUBWAY cookies and made 2 EXTRA LARGE SIZED ONES.
OPPS, Viv =D
But nvm, i got one that's around SUBWAY size.
TMR I'm gonna bring cookies to sch and share with the others.
I hope they dun munch everything away and there ain't any left for Viv =X
OHMYGOD. I FORGOTTEN ABOUT TRASHIE.
during march hols bah ... ;]
bro wanted to make some for her as well. so yeah.
*OPEN the cookie container*
me; OMG i dun have my handphone. cannot take picture ;[
me; BRA, CAN I SCAN THE COOKIE INTO COM??????
bro; lamee. -.-
UGH so inconvenient without handphone.
I Lied - E.M.D
I never knew it could feel this way
I never thought you would walk away
When it was over you called late nights
And you said, do you miss me
Second thoughts haunting you at night
Baby do you regret that you let it go
If you doubt what you did was right
You should know
That I lied
When I said I’m over and done with you
I lied
When I said it didn′t hurt
I lied
I’ve got a piece of you in my soul
I really tried I was left in the cold
I didn′t know it could be this strong
Now I can′t let it go
And I lied
When I said I’m over and done with you
I lied
When I said it didn′t hurt
I lied
I lost my course
And my life′s too short
To deny how much you mean to me
I leave my pride
Yeah I let it slide
And I let you know
That I lied
When I said I’m over and done with you
I lied
When I said it didn′t hurt
I lied ....
Few weeks back, on a monday, i cab-ed to sch.
i wasn't late,
but was going to be, since the bus isnt here yet.
so yeah.
The Cab kinda told me my fortune in that short 2mins trip to sch.
about how i'm alright with anything.. ANYTHING but LIES,
told me to relax as i'm not gonna be late.
I simply smiled politely with every verdict he comes up about me.
In my mind there's only one sentence, ' who is he to judge me, but how true it is when he said it '
At that time,
Life's really the best for me in my mind.
but contentment is never long lasting due to the nature of mankind.
it's in the genes of everyone, i guess.
I kinda read true horoscope that week,
and it was so true that it had became scary.
If it's like that, everyone could just read me through a web page.
it's like i've just got described on the net to let everyone know about me.
Baking had been kinda a d-stress for me,
but it didn't take rejuvilate me in anyways either.
Exercise is not bad.
maybe i should, next weekend.
Woah, long time no blog le.
This week is the MOCK EXAM week.
We can only get our paper and marks back when sch reopens after march hols.
So long lorh.
I SO WANT TO REREAD WHAT I'VE WROTE FOR ENG COMPO.
I NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH I GET.
ANYWAYS,
i did some of the things i've planed out this weekend.
SRY shao and jia ps u guys T-T
keep don't feel like going out ;x
YTD SPONGE CAKE FAILURE.
and suddenly i got phobia to eggs.
IT SMELL OF RAW EGGS LORH.
*puke*
MOOD damn lousy ytd.
went to sleep pretty late .
THINGS TO DO THIS WEEKEND. watch TransformersBAKE bake for daddy bday [ failure ]
BRO'S MAPLE CHARACTER IS LOUSY
ugh. such a disgrace to use illbi yet dmg so low.
PPL keep say sia. T-T
Played with my brother ' Monopoly world edition '
the one with the credit card.
I WENT BANKRUPT. UGH.
anyways,
after i lost and we put back the board game,
i lie down on the space in the middle of my room.
and i kinda listen to songs and daze.
thought of viv,
then sms her ;]
I'm still not used to things this year.
Like not talking to viv unless we meet both got online at msn,
or suddenly thought of her then sms.
REMINISCING AGAIN. x-x
SO... i guess it would be cookie baking the next week bah.
I KEPT BUG BRYAN TO BUY BUTTER.
and wth, NO UNSALTED BUTTER SOLD ANYWHERE.
Is there a baking protest or what!!!!! UGH!!!
BIG COOKIES FOR VIVIAN.
others please order for me,
delivery charge is 5 dollars ;]
haha kidding.
i enjoy baking and taking my own sweet time to bake.
I WISH I CAN GIVE MY TAN CHI DE JIEJIE SOME.
;] i'll go find you someday.
MY GOAL IN LIFE to go find jie, OPEN MY OWN RESTRAURANT and one other thing that's a secret [ even if im not required to do so ].
The Entire Day'' -xAryth
'' Eating CHEESE BURGER Permits You To 
Got so put off by ' NO CHEESE BURGER ' in MacDonald in the morning.
evil nutnut, they dun sell cheese burger , then took 2 straws from them for free =D
i kept going on and on and on with cheese burger the whole day.
i think SHAO got fed up with me saying cheese burger. ;P
NUTNUT AGREED TO BUY FOR ME CHEESE BURGER after school,
after much whining obviously. =D
Anyways, slacked at the playground again.
ULTRA SAD when i saw what they had done to the swings ;[
MY MEMORIES!!!! GND LA U PEOPLE.
sit on the playground platform and talk.
we keep notice the time.
and when we finally get ready to go off.
NUT; EH EH EH
ME; DUNCARE LAAAAAAAA
NUT; WEIIIIIIII
ME; WHAT.. dun expect me to slide down ;O
NUT; eh your friend la
*JER WALKS PASS*
*SQUEEZE MYSELF INTO A GAP*
ME; WHY NEVER TELL MEEEEEEEEEEE ;S
NUT; tell you le what, you say duncare la. some more so loud. -.-
ME; AHHHHHHHHHHHHH *FREAK OUT*
* JER LIKE WALK SUPER FAST AWAY *
haha i made nut slide down the yellow slide...
which she got stuck from the top to bottom. HAHHAA ;D
then we crapped all the way to school.
SQUEEZE with everybody through the front door.
got Student Investiture.
translate horoscope to NUTNUT cause it's in Chinese.
I FOUND OUT MINE WAS RETRIBUTION FOR BEING FLIRTATIOUS. =O
horrible horoscope. *dun believe dun believe. ;[ *
WAS SUPER HUNGRY THE ENTIRE DAY.
RECESS didn't have enough time to eat slowly and digest thing properly,
ended up not being full.
eat too much seriously.
NUT came to my house,
and design teeshirt again.
SHE WAS CAPTIVATED BY SPONGE BOB my bro watching.
BU LI WO ;O
sent her off,
and went to buy herbal egg and curry puff.
SUPER TIRED SIA.
habven bathe till now.
TMR IS MOCK EXAM.
i dun wan to drop nor upgrade.
I WANT TO STAY IN THE SAME CLASS AS JERMAIN CHUUU,
so i can leave things at her table without much difficulty -.-
and and i wan my wanying and regina ;[
I feel demoralised/sianed/iHATElife/iLOVEsolitute
so badly that i wrote that i suggested canceling the BBQ.
NO I DON'T WANT TO BE HYPER AND EVERYTHING.
all i want to do now is...
lie on the grass and stare at the sky and drift off to sleep.
if i do that, people will think I'm crazy.
SO DYSFUNCTIONAL.
idiot people. .
i feel tired.
SUPER DUPER ULTRA.
i wanna jer to tell me bedtime story ;[
she wouldn't anyways.
MY LIFE IS TRICKLING AWAY FROM ME.
DOWN THE DRAIN AND INTO THE ETERNITY.
someone, make me believe in life.
have faith in whatever i do.
to love again.
CAUSE I'VE LOST IT ALL.
ALL.
i wanna cry,
but I've no reason to when everything so perfect.
i wanna die,
but i promised not to broad about such thoughts.
now that I've both of them in my life.
TRUTH is i just wanna run away.
FROM whatever I'm going to face.
