[[Rock it :D*]]
I'm feeling freaking tired and feels as if i may faint anytime. i want my cheese burger. i want my bolster. im tired. i want someone with me right now.
anyways. had a nightmare on tuesday.
this is how it goes.
I was returning home from somewhere. The street lights were dim, yet the roads are still buzzing with cars through and fro. I saw a unique classic car on the road. Other similar ones were following behind it, like a procession going on. It came from my primary school somehow, though all make no sense but the feeling of being devastated & hurt it had caused me, had taken me aback. I didn’t know what to say when I awoke to reality. It’s true how much I’ve put in for my important ones, can lead me to being so pathetic looking. Such small thing yet such great impact.
At the end of the road, I saw her standing at the school gate, then I saw him beside her. Do I feel angry or jealous? None of such. I was overwhelmed with happiness and joy that she had finally came to visit me, instead of me going over. However, it’s not exactly of such, since she’s one of the performers. But nonetheless, I was glad. I ran forward & hugged her, as if I let go for that one second, she’ll be taken away from me. She was surprised to see me too. He kind of walk along with us, while we chatted. Totally something I wouldn’t do. But that just shows how much I wanted to see her & hug her again. She told me that her exams will end on 15th may and maybe we could go out but I kept rejecting that thought. That’s because I don’t know how to face her anymore and I’m scared of getting hurt again like in the past. I’m not me anymore. I can’t do anything for anyone because I kept having a mindset that it’s troublesome, save myself the trouble for going lengths for anyone. Well it’s the result of how she had hurt me in the past isn’t it.
Now, back to the dream. I totally ignored/forgotten her bf’s presence and created a dimension between me and her such that no one else could enter. We came to a field and we lay there watching the sky. I turned over to kiss her face & hugged her, I guess just then, she saw my heart & stood up hastily and left. Realizing what I’ve done, I chased after her and somehow she locked herself up in the cubical. There I stood in front and apologized bitterly. I ran into my room & lay on the bed, suppressing the throbbing pain in my heart. I couldn’t comprehend my thoughts and actions. I looked out of my window. It was raining then. Somehow, bra came into my room with a metal pole that was meant for hanging clothes and attempted to hand it outside my window?! I reprimanded him as it may attract lightning & so on. He ignored me & I went out in search of viv and her guy. But they couldn’t be seen anywhere.
The bus stop was full of people. I saw one girl whom I thought is, but isn’t viv. In fact it turned out to be someone I used to know, but when she got up and boarded the bus, she said something about the orange “house” I used to be in, in primary school * I don’t like orange therefore I’m annoyed and rudely replied “ it’s blue Pegasus, can’t you see?! “
I walk on the streets alone, searching, finding. I know that it’s not right, I know I’ve done something wrong. But what’s wrong with liking someone so much? I trieid to suppress my feelings, but I failed miserably. I screamed!
Mum came into my room and woke me up. Feeling cold, I slide further down beneath my blanket & reflected on what I’ve dreamt. This isn’t going to be a good day…. & IT IS NOT.
ps/ I'm like super emo and stuffs. but... ah forget it already. hmmm i let shao read this sia. lol. tell me, im crazy =-=. ya i am. even jie said a lot people know. yeah hell shit. i don't care anymore. =-= so what. SHUCKS la. EVERYTHING suck u know...zzz. i want jerjer ;[ i dont want anyone le la. haix.
