[[Rock it :D*]]
She practically scolded me...
okay she did that -.-
One whole chunk.
LIKE IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
hey! i'm still pissed off okay!
It's not my fault that we ended like this!
Fine, i admit...i wanted some kind of revenge...
But as much as it hurts u, it hurts me as well...
With thadar, u can practically change u mood anytime u want.
What am i? Someone to just ... Push all ur mood to?
i took O's as an excuse.
i don't wanna cry till my eye hurts for u.
i'm sick for forever giving out and being taken for granted.
Many a times i wanna do a lot for u.
But to prevent myself from doing that, i've deleted ur hp number, ur msn email and everything.
& with u just going offline like that and my msn just don't wanna work...
all my stupidity goes down the drain, i've added it all back.
You don't know how i lived through these days.
You don't know what i'm thinking of every free second that i have.
But neither do i.
You have so much fun and happiness with him, i don't matter at those times.
I seemed to be only visable when tears or anger cover your eyes.
You've never once smsed me during these days.
You only tried talking to me on msn thrice.
I'M VERY ANGRY AT YOU WHEN U DRAG JIE AND JER IN!!!!
WTH DID THEY DO TO YOU?!
SHEEEEESH! i can tolerate anything but that!
When are u there when i need u?
Now you push everything, saying " GO find you beloved friends and JIE" ...
You have no idea how i've been doing these few days.
But NEITHER do i know what's in your life...
What exactly happened to us both?...
i miss you so much, yet ... through all the things i went through, i've learn to constantly remind myself not to go back.
Everyone knows how much i desire to go back, but at the same time resisted...
I dunno , I'm selfish alright?
I'm scared of getting hurt.
But what did i do wrong to deserve all these hurt?
these time i did nth wrong, only forking out too much...
Wow... you said until ur a necessity to me...
my lost.
hmmm...
Great blame it on me when ur relationship goes bad.
All my fault.
just great...
I'm not Ariel.
I'm not perfect neither am i that great...
why not turn to someone elses, create someone that's like me...
only better, minusing all the negative things.
Who was the one who said she was sick of me...?
who's the one who didnt wanted to listen to me?
WHY A CLEAN BREAK CANT EVER BE A CLEAN ONE!!!!!!!
jer....i wan a hug T_T....
"In that few seconds, it was as if our friendship trailer flashed before my eyes.
We started out as strangers, complete strangers on the web.
We started to click somehow... talked day and night.
Then you told me big secrets and truths, spilled your guts out to me.
A lot of things changed and happened and we finally met out of the virtual world.
I was ecstatic at the sight of you, honestly.
It might have been the blooming of our friendship at that moment.
We made alot of promises.
Yet, something happened during 08 year end holidays.
I broke a few of the promises and most importantly, your heart.
I was so wrong, but you forgave me boundlessly.
I thought all was well.... but i was wrong, AGAIN.
You brought me cookies, remember? I was really touched. I really wanted to accompany you to dinner, but I didn't.
I was wrong for that, too.
I should have done somethings I didn't and right now, not even a million deaths can make it up.
Though we were apart for quite some time, my soul is still with you.
I won't forget you, really.
I hurt you, my fault, my responsibility, my ending.
A tunnel without a bright light at the end is sad? Then..
I'll dig until i see one, no matter if it's as long as the great wall of China.
I'm sincerely pouring out all my emotions right now.
I don't care if you would read this or not, but I want you to know, I'm not the Vivian I was.
I know this sounds cliche, esp in such a short span of time.
But I'm a whole new person.
I just sincerely hope you would let this new person a new chance.
Although i know some wounds don't heal, I hope you would just talk to me."
- adapted from viv's blog.
you know what, .... all i wanted back was the vivian that i used to know....
I've been really because of this.
i don't wanna be back with u, because of how u could affect my mood.
This year is a really important year.
You know, everytime u did something to dash my heart,
it could last for weeks.
I drank a lot at the start of the year,
cause it hurts that badly.
the Alcohol really makes me stupid sia.
Breezer. =.=
Recently i went emo all over again,
when bro told u that i missed u and u said the same back.
Very moody.
i was emoing till i don't know what i'm emoing about.
-.- no i really don't. i'm just left emotionless.
Like my all emotions ran away from me cause i suck.
& you know,
the gap u left behind... made me go in a frantic search for someone elses.
Many a times i felt like trusting someone, like telling out don't matter anymore.
" JUST LET ME HAVE SOMEONE WHICH I CAN TELL EVERYTHING TO..." i don't think of the consequences, moreover cared about it any longer.
I dunno. But i stopped myself in time.
haix. Life suck~~~ YEAH shao! i agree with u on that!
Gotta do hwk now. Hmmmm... ^~^ jie dk go where liao ....
Hugged huimin quite a lot today.
i need hugs. really...!
Hmmmm... Nutnut 偷亲我!!!
x.x LOL. i think nut knows my secret.
I mean she could guess.
i made it so obvious~
Shao today told me to be cautious of Nut.
Shocked me to realised that's she's dangerous.
Because of the fact that Nut told Jia's big secret out [lessy stuffs]
it's very dangerous to let Nut know anything important to u that u don't wanna others to know.
I guess she's right ba. [;
Shao's really a nice person...
It would be stupid if the trend goes on.
I doubt it will.
I wouldn't allow it ba.
The Broken Recorder That Was Kept ON
Like a recorded tape, Our life plays on...Repeated waves, Tunes, and mabye some Notes.It seemed to be forever repeating,the Same O` Mistakes, Same Old Problems.Till one day one loses his beliefs, Love and Trust.He must have seen the True Colours of Reality.Have always been, Had always been.... Walking towards death itself.Is it the sin we've made so long ago,that damned us to an eternity of redemption?& all we are heading for is death itself.I don't understand, I don't understand....I don't understand anymore.I've Once wished upon the star,But thinking back now, what a Joke!I've lost hope, lost hopes on the stars.Moving on, Moving on....Moving on to nowhere....~~ Written by : -xAryth
I hadn't been posting since 1st Jan.
Been posting on Wordpress. I Hate wordpress officially.
They don't really work for me, i guess.
I'll import those posts into blogger soon enough.
hmmm loads had been going on.
Outings, jia's matter and so on.
TSK, if jis's just using that to AA,
she'll definitely lose my respect for her.
it's not something to joke about. hmmmm.
The Outing with Shao had been fun. [;
I even snuck out at 3am.
Watched sunrise with jer though the sun already risen.
Broke the barrier. Something to be happy about. =D
I also finally know what viv meant by " i love you, i only want the best for you".
i realised this at the last 30mins of the mock exam yesterday. Almost teared.
BUT definitly that sentence of hers wasn't meant for me.
Oh don't start making her seem like she love me a lot.
Cause, that's UTTER BULLSHIT.
Bro told viv i miss her, she said she missed me.
I shouldn't head back, I don't want to be hurt ever again.
Why should i go back when i have all to lose and nth to gain.
I would only be sad... if i let myself do that.
No, not now. I'm not ready for it yet.
I've not healed from the last time.
I read her blog just now.
It would have been ... okay if it didn't have the postscript.
The postscript, only warned me of not going back.
Reminded me of everything.
GOD DAMN IT.
I'm really angry at her.
JER IS SO DIFFERENT FROM YOU OKAY!! DON'T COMPARE!
You ain't worthy of it!
it's my fault that jer and me didn't talk,
But it's you who had caused you and me to go our own ways.
YOU, HADN'T CHANGED A BIT.
you have not known the cause of all this shit.
So stop making yourself sound that you deserve forgiveness.
Cause you don't, not just yet.
you know how much i would do for someone i treasured...
You missed me only when there's no one else you could find.
SO DON'T EVER BLOODY COMPLAINED THAT JER GOT FORGIVENESS FROM ME CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT US ANYMORE. oh you claimed u do, yes u do, used to. But guess what, you don't bother listening to me anymore and had got all the details wrong. i was forgiven & not i forgive.
PS./ i regret the very second after i felt happy that his family accepted you.
"A blissful person is one that make happy moments the subject of everyday's life." -xaryth
Something wrong with me today.
NOT feeling very well.
Probably tired?
Idk. i miss viv a bit today. yeah a bit.
Gotta ask BT sia.
to change classes with jer.
It's worth the trouble ba?
IDK how's that gonna make me feel better in english class. ><
ENGLISH is not good.
BAD to be exact.
I couldnt stay myself.
Jittery.
I don't like qiqi sitting behind me.
Makes me feel weird.
Can't sit still sia.
Yuzhen also behind me.
IN FACT, everyone is behind me except for shao, nut and jia.
-.-
IF jer is gonna join in, she will be beside QI.
and then, WEEEE, i would rather be outta the class.
GOD knows what will happen to me. i'll be sad more often. [;
I'm super contradicting to myself sia. [;
anyways.
from the moment i reached home,
i bathe and slept immeadiatly.
TILL 11 then i woke ba.
told jer my day.
Come to think of it.
SHEEEEEEEE NEVER TELL ME HOW'S HERS!!!
wtf, why i always get out of point =[
Doesn't matter.
I went home after attending ASP for chem.
Can't stand it le. wanna die le.
Chong sms say those people who didnt go for ASP, go meet him tmr.
IDK need parents letter ma.
if need then tell mum write ba.
I really CMI okay. not lying.
MUM switched off my aircon.
which means the temp.in the room increases right?!
It drove me to a FORCE wake.
Cos` im practically baking beneath my sheets.
didnt wanna eat dinner.
SCREAM, CURSEDDDD whoever switch off my air con,
then i go on~
then i go my sneezing frenzy again. ;[
not to add coughing too.
THIS SUCK.
soon, i cant stand it any longer.
I went to bathe and sleeeep again till 11pm lorh~
then came that chong sms.
shao also sms.
talk to shao and jerjer while doing DNT.
jie, i'm comparable to qi, to jer.
You can't deny that, can u?
To jer, friends means friends. and that's that. full stop.
Jie, you know how it works for me, you know that .. i'll be " con-ed" into believing that cause i want to.
But i know it isnt.
It never was.
But it don't matter anymore....
It's the fact. and i'll have to accept it.
like how i accept that fact that jie like shinggggo a lot.
that jer like her nut a lot.
that viv like her thardar a lot.
WAY more significant than me.
But it don't matter anymore. WAIT... WHO THE HELL IM KIDDING. -.-
but there's nth i could do. so leave it already.
[; nights.
